Oh how I have a new found respect for my dear sweet wife. We began the dreaded "Birthing" classes today! I have to say, there were no surprises until...The Video. OHHHH The Video. Oh good Lord, save us from the Video!!! I have to say, I reached another level in my manhood in those excruciating 20 minutes of my existence, locked in the cinematic torture chamber where they played this, this, this video. I attempted to look strong for my wife's sake, so she could feel good that her "support partner" seemed quite brave, quite strong, ready for anything. You know, so she had no idea that I was hiding how traumatized I really was by this video that not only showed the miracle of birth but also gave us a plethora of super odd naked ladies dancing back in forth in some sort of contractions pain dance, while seemingly running loose in this early 80's hospital with no clothes, no inhibitions and a camera crew. However, when I looked over at my dear sweet wife, I realize she has no idea what kind of amazing show of maturity and level headedness her dear husband was putting on for her! No she had her head not only covered, but completely submersed into the pillows that we were using for Prenatal massage as if she was a young child hiding from the boogieman or maybe trying to smoother herself to pass out and escape this dread filled video! Dear God how I wish she would hand me one of the pillows so I could do the same! So I sat there watching, trying to bury any emotion deep down inside me so I could hide the fact, from my dear sweet wife, that this Video was destroying my soul! Once it was over we all sat there in silence gasping for what little air was left in the room. In fact the instructor actually had us do breathing exercises and sort of mind and body relaxing meditation and then straight into the massage for our wives. That instructor knew she killed us all inside and tried to find a way to make up for it!
So before I could wright tonight as poor Allison was preparing herself for bed she asked me, "Please don't allow me to take my clothes off and make a fool of myself during delivery, PLEASE!" So I have decided that if she starts ripping clothes off and doing the contractions pain dance down the hallways, I suppose I will have to rip mine off and join her. So Allison, that is my gift to you. I will make a bigger fool out of myself for you. Now that is true love.
1 comments:
Okay, that was an amazing post! Very good! And being the one who delivered three boys (with epidural, of course) I was not a screamer nor was I a stripper. I think Allison will have fond memories of her turn at delivery. One hint...stick a notebook or some piece of paper in the hospital bag along with a pen. Daddy needs to keep a quick journal of all that is going on because as real as it all feels during the events, it becomes dreamlike soon after. And once you've had a few kids, you really do want to remember the details of each day as they actually were and not in the mushed together mess of memory!
I really mean it could be simple:
4:02 am - water breaks
4:35 am - head to hospital
5:02 am - nurse "checks to be sure the water actually broke and that mommy isn't actually just continually peeing on herself" (Yes, happened to me... twice)
6:20 am - get assigned to room
6:21 am - paparazzi arrives in full force
7:00 am - contractions are starting, we think
7:40 am - real contractions start
etc... see?!?! It's easy! and this will be priceless later on!
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