MUST be four- cool no more

I remember having a really cool car...even several really cool cars. I used to know what was a sweet rare jeep to own and what size lift and tires I could stuff on it or what engine was in a MkII VDub. Yea that was hip hop lingo, (slang verbiage) and was to prove to you that I was hip once. It seems like, not so long ago, I was eons away from this horrible state of mind. Oh you know what state I am talking about. It was the most unholy bad word in my book once. That word...PRACTICAL. Oh vomit! I barely could stand to type it! I have spent the last week searching the world wide web for the dreaded P word in the form of a vehicle. For some reason, that is what dad's drive I guess and Jonah, I am told, wants...nay, NEEDS a four door practical vehicle. Oh say it ain't so baby Jonah! I mean come on BABY Jonah! Don't you want a cool dad with a gigantor 4X4 Jeep or Truck for our great outdoor adventures trekking and exploring the big bad wilderness? Or seeing how well the GTI can hold 100 MPH on the off ramp while screaming "YEeeeaaAA" out of the sunroof?! I remember when I was a kid and longed to be the one child dropped off at school by the one cool car, that the one cool dad had and the rest of us proclaimed "WHOA" in unison tighter than a Baptist Choir each and everyday. That one car earned our accolades by being soooo cool! That dad earned them! I can be that dad right?! What is so wrong with wanting to be cool for my son?!?! By golly gosh I have worked my keester raw to accomplish that goal! Alas, I sit here after a long night of looking at add after add of glorified minivans in the guise of SUVs, pretending, hoping, wishing it was cool, trying to trick myself into believing it...but come on, there is no "sport" in an SUV. So Jonah, I am apologizing now for the car I drop you off with on your first day of school because things aren't looking so good in the cool dad department thus far. Just know that when you and your friends are gawking at that one cool dad's car and proclaiming "WHOA" in perfect unison, your father is not just oblivious to his own lack of coolness. No, I too will be proclaiming "WHOA" in my dump of a practical vehicle, just as I had so many years ago.